Oooooooookie...well, I haven't talked with a lot of my boys and girls in a while--you know who you are and I miss you guys so much! Hmmmm...so there is only 2 & 1/2weeks left until exams start. I have 3 exams in a 24 hour time period; sorta intimidated, but I know if I get my ass in gear, I'll be fine; however, I have final projects for multiple classes and they're all piling up right now. Grrrrrrrr!--HELP!

The other day, my art program took a trip to Toronto to the Art Gallery of Ontario--the AGO, as I will refer to it from now on. Incendiary. I do not believe that another human being could quite possibly turn me on as much as the art gallery did--not even Matt Lowe, Elliott. My heart--was fluttering. My eyes--were sparkling. My face--was glowing. I have never been so motivated and inspired than that day in my entire life! After studying famous works of Andy Warhol, George Segal, Emily Carr, and the Group of Seven for almost 6 years of your life, and finally seeing them in person--it makes one question every value and belief that they had held before. Change.

As for the summer, I hope to see everyone that I've missed so much! Some of us will not be coming home for the summer--so I've been told about *cough*cough*JESSIE*cough*cough*--but I hope to see you guys at least a few times. Some of the girls in my program and I have signed a renewable year lease for one of the townhouse complexes here in Guelph--gorgeous place; can't wait. I will, however, be going back to Sarnia for the summer, making frequent trips back to Guelph. My ambitious self has emerged again and I've signed up for not one, oh yes, but TWO summer DE courses!? Am I crazy!? Yes. But, the only difference between myself and a madman is that I am not mad.

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Wars have never hurt anybody except the people who die.--Salvador Dali

Oh God...came home early tonight....I hate FEMALE bartenders...they deserve a kick in the junk!!!!!! They're a bunch of morons!!!!! Poop Face McMoron Face--Jeff Renlds...fuck boys--Heather Penis Face. Not literally,...not in the nose...but in the fuckin' JUNK!!! They need a good fuck' n smoke in the FACE!!!!

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FULL PAGE UNDERLINE!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! Matt Lowe= apparently=1 & 1/2 orgasms....oh wait: 3 & 1/2....oh god...I'm so sorry!!!!! NOTHING HAPPENED!!! I just go to the Keg TOO MUCH!!! --Hi Mom!-- I apologize to everyone that is READING this. Oh god..Elliott: put a cork in it!!!!! MY GOD......incendiary*~

Renaissance...my ass.

Bondage movie! You're into BSDM (Bondage &
Discipline, Dominance & Submission) and chances
are, you're fond of whips, chains, harnesses,
and tight leather outfits. You like to mix a
little pain with a LOT of pleasure, baby!

What kind of porno would you star in?
brought to you by Quizilla

...cool!

Renaissance...hopefully.

Boys are stupid; throw rocks at them.

I don't know...maybe, I've been inspired to write again because this gawd awful cliche holiday known as Valentine's Day has triggered memories and emotions...or possibly from reading some other people's posts...maybe I've been greatly influenced and moved tonight by Oliver Stone's awe inspiring film 'The Doors'...whatever the reason may be, I'm more than likely about to pour my heart out onto this keyboard for everyone to see. I have no clue what's going to come of this entry, but I'm hoping it will have some sort of effect on...something.

I'm tired. I'm so so very VERY tired. Lately, it's been work...and stress. Stress...and work. They USUALLY come hand-in-hand for me...but sometimes the stress just comes on its own. The past few months have been very stressful for me...actually, the past few years have taken a HUGE toll on me. You finally grow accustomed to something or someone and then life throws you a curveball. Mind you, if those curveballs never happened, life would be very boring. But for some reason the curveballs that I'm thrown end up hitting me right in the face.

Domino effect. EVERYTHING has an effect on something. EVERYTHING. You may believe that the things you do don't really concern anyone else or that they're not affecting anyone...but they are. If I could have anything it would be for humans to just be aware of the things they do and the rewards and consequences that come along with their actions.

I have such harsh feelings towards Valentine's Day...and lately, I've been finding myself being partially distressed by the whole concept of love in general. And I don't believe that the knowledge I've attained from majoring in psychology is at all empathetic towards my cause ~*so critical & analytical.*~ I wear my heart on my sleeve and it sucks so much. I'm so emotion-driven that it scares me sometimes...I know that the analysis of aesthetically pleasing things is crucial in everyday life, and not just restricted to my repetitive art critiques...but then I find myself becoming overly cautious about overanalyzing things...or AM I overanalyzing...or is this what is to be done? ~*There is no happy medium*~

Have I had that many negative encounters with "love" that I'm this spiteful towards it? Or does this occur with everyone...and doesn't everyone have different interpretations of "bad encounters"? And love?! Wow. Such a powerful word and connotation that it scares me to use it. I hate thinking about it. And when I do get that urge to submit myself to the control of it, I find myself losing...in a battle with something I can't control...and I THINK that's my worst fear: not being able to control something; knowing that I have absolutely no say what-so-ever in any particular situation.

Everytime you try to open yourself up to someone, you have to be prepared to take whatever comes your way. If you want to risk jumping in a relationship, you have to open yourself up completely to that other person or it's just not going to work. Even when you do open yourself up completely, it may still not work. And THAT'S why heartache happens. That's why I've been hurt so many times...should I bother? Is it fair to others for me to do that? Or would I just be a hypocrite?

I'm at that point where I'm questioning my values and beliefs...do I stay true to them? I've always tried to put others before myself, but at this point--for fear of being hurt or hurting again--I'm wondering whether I should roll up the sleeve on my shirt for a while...but how do I know that it's the right time to roll it down again?

After much debating and stress I've come up with something to post!!!! Yes! Something so simple, yet so powerful! And here it is:

Poo.

He he he...poo...he he.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I know I know!!! EVERYONE SHOULD BE WATCHING The Batchelorette. Why? Well, the guys are absotively posolutely fuckin' gorgeous! And well...I guess Trista's on it too...whoopie.

Wednesday @ 8:30

...if I wasn't experiencing a severe brain fart, I'd type something worth reading...hmph: sorry.

New Year. New Start. Thank God.

Can I begin to lead a normal life now, please?

Quote of the Millennium:

I duno.... i am drjmn, asl e;;! noght ,am///O cam't evem tuew!s

Thank you.

I...Stephanie Tylene Schairer...have a confession to make: I eat mustard/cheese/tortilla shell concoctions on a regular basis.

Yes, that's right folks. I've learned a lot in my short university experience thus far. Such as, well, which combination of drinks won't make your stomach curdle and how long food IS actually good for when left in the fridge. But I should say that my mustard/cheese/tortilla shell concoction by far surpasses the rest of my discoveries.

Here's the make up: you take a soft taco shell, cut up some brick cheddar cheese. How you cut it up doesn't matter...just chuck it on the taco shell. Grab some mustard--YELLOW MUSTARD!?! Whatever brand, DOESN'T matter--and squirt that shit all over the cheese. Fold over the sides of the taco...flip it over so it is held closed while sitting on the plate. Pop that plate in the microwave for 25 seconds and VOILA!!! You have the quickest and most convenient meal that will make you full for hours...it will most likely make ya wanna puke too, buuuuuuuuuut it fills ya up and tests your gag reflexes at the same time.

Apparently, it's not normal to eat things like this, or so I've learned from my friends' reactions...worst of all, I came home from University and made it as a meal!??! Anyone have a name to suggest for it?

MMMmmmmmmMUFFINS!!!

So I'm back in Sarnia and man, have I missed everyone! It's good to see my family and friends again! Tonight seemed pretty much like a deja vu..
Last year around Thanksgiving, William Elliott and Aron Wilson came home from school. At 2am we were speaking on ICQ and spontaneously decided to meet each other at Tim Horton's. From Tim Horton's we WALKED all the way to Burger King, through the drive thru, in the restaurant and walked BACK home. On our walk we accumulated Burger King toys, a Burger King tray, and a soap dispenser from Tim Horton's. It was a crazy night filled with random bathroom breaks and theft, but it was well deserved.

And now we're back and it's 2002, Christmas Break. The gang is starting to come back from University and their houses and we're making our rounds again. William came to pick me up around 8:20pm tonight--looking slightly different than last year, having a pierced eyebrow and longer hair--and then he, Joe Viher and I went to Two Amigos to meet Jay Irving, Aron Wilson, Joel Scripnick and the gang. After some drinks and a LARGE TAB that Bill was left with, Aron, Bill and I decided it was time to go.

Once again, the infamous trio ventured out into the night--a little more sober and a little more colder than last year. Aron was a wuss and wore my baby blue liner from jacket cause "he was cold" and we went to Timmy Horton's again. Along the way we ran into Bill's friend from customs who proceeded to fill us in on his insightful customs/scouts/OPP experiences...lovely. ANYWAY...I was pretty frustrated, but put on that smile that I always try to enforce on people in public, when we got to Tim Horton's and tried ordering our food. The lady that was working was the lady whom I always talked to when I went their on my late study breaks for exams while in high school. So we caught up on old times...while people were waiting in line. I kept trying to order my food, as did the others, but NO! we HAAAAD to talk. She's a nice lady, but I was not in a talking mood...I was cold and wanted a coffee. BAH. Whatever.

Anyway...so we left and I walked home...our adventure had come to an end yet again. But the reliable William Elliott III revealed from his magic cape....another soap dispenser!!! EXCELLENT!!! I knew something was missing from the night! William so kindly donated it my way, for he must think I'm poor because I told him that I eat tortilla shells, cheese and mustard on a regular basis--yes, it's gross...but it's food. The best part is that it's engraved with the Tim Horton's logo and I am going to bring it to school with me and put it on my mantle with all my other prized stolen possessions. Aaaaaahhhh...tis Christmas in Sarnia and it is the spirit of giving...and receiving...and stealing.

I'm happy to announce that this will be an annual event.

Oh no, here comes that sun again,
That means another day with out you my friend.
And it hurts me to look in to the mirror at myself,
And it hurts even more to have to be with some body else.

And it's so hard to do
And so easy to say,
But sometimes you just have to walk away

With so many people to love in my life,
Why do I worry about one?
But you put the happy in my ness,
You put the good times into my fun.

And it's so hard to do
And so easy to say,
But sometimes you just have to walk away.

We've tried the good bye so many days,
We walk in the same direction, so that we can never stray.
They say if you love some body then you have got to set them free,
But I would rather be locked to you, than live in this pain and misery.

They say that time will make this all go away,
But it's time that has taken my tomorrows,
and turned them into yesterdays.
And once again that rising sun is dropping on down
And once again, you my friend are no where to be found.

And it's so hard to do
And so easy to say,
But sometimes you just have to walk away.
--Ben Harper--

I'm getting the crap outta here on December 14th and I'll be home til January 5th...PUMPED PUMPED PUMPED! I can't wait to get the crap away from my mongoloid suite mates...except for you, Heather! = )

Wooooooooooooo fuckin' Hoooooooooooo!!!! I'M DONE ART HISTORY 1510!!!!! Thank GOD!!! That class was so...droning and boring and GOD I can't wait to start Art History 1520 next semester!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!

If I've learnt anything since I got to university, I'll tell you about it right here. Not only so I can introduce those of you who aren't attending university to its life, but also to give you insight into my personal experiences and conundrum-like life...

I. No matter WHO you thought you were in high school, how popular you THOUGHT you were, how geeky you THOUGHT you were...you're not.

II. You can stay up and study all night for a test/midterm/exam, think you spanked it, and STILL fail...

III. You'll begin to appreciate your bedroom at home...your house...your COMFORTABLE bed--aw...my bed.

IV. Things that you don't see are harder to let go of than those things you do; you begin to miss the things you don't see, yet you get sick of things you do.

V. You CAN get by on the bare minimum

VI. If you have a car, make use of it while you can

VII. Junior and Senior Kindergarden will be the EASIEST time of your life...

Oh my god...I've now COMPLETELY grown to realize that guys are fuckin' retards! Not stupid idiots, not losers--well, ya...they are losers [some of them]--not just assholes, but they are completely fucking retarded!

Let's get serious...most of us plan on going to university, getting a degree/diploma in whatever we so desire, working for a while, and then settling down and having a family? Right--right. Well, people usually start to settle down in their mid-late 20's. Well, NOT THE FUCKIN' "boys" that I run into. Nooooooo they want to sit on their asses, go to work, and get completely retarded!??! Either smoke themselves into an oblivion, drink themselves into a coma, or all of the above WHILE trying to accomplish something GREAT all from the comforts of their sofa. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!

Okay...if ANYONE can help me realize WHY boys are so fucking LOSERISH, then please...do so.

***DISCLAIMER: the word "boys" and/or "guys" is not meant to offend ANY of my friends; you know who you are boys!***

Hmmm...where to begin? I've found my change to university extremely difficult. I've left my family and friends and boyfriend behind. I miss them all terribly and I'm finding it difficult to deal with. Classes are extremely difficult! I've never had so much reading to do in my life!? Let's get serious here: I HONESTLY don't think I'm going to read FIVE 1,000 page books by December; it's just not happening.

When you were a child, did you ever have a favourite toy? You did EVERYTHING with that toy! You went everywhere with it, you slept with it, ate dinner with it, sang with it, etc. And remember when your mom bought you that new toy? That old toy that you once adored and loved so much was set away on the shelf; it wasn't as cool as your new toy. That's the way I feel.

Everyone has their downfalls in life; everyone has their weaknesses. But when someone cares enough about you to look past those faults and weaknesses, that's something special. Yet, I feel as though I'm being replaced with materialistic things; put second to insignificant things. I always look for something positive in everyone I meet. Everyone has at least one great aspect about themselves and if they use it wisely they have the ability to move mountains. Yet it disheartens me to see a person with hundreds of great characteristics wasting away...Especially when I care for them so much...

People have to learn to love and accept themselves before they can begin to do so for others. If they can't do that, then they'll never be happy.

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with"--unknown.

"What you love is a sign from your higher self of what you are to do"--sanaya roman.

Well, I would just like to thank EVERYONE for an awesome birthday! I had so much fun, although, I was completely trashed and puking my brains out til 6pm the NEXT day...

You know when you get that feeling in your stomach where you just HAVE to throw up, but for some reason you can't? Well, thanks to my good friend William Elliot III and his disgusting birthday present--a shot of Buffalo Sweat--,everytime I thought about that shot I got sick as hell...Thank you, William.

Well, as most people will be, I too will be venturing off to a different city--Guelph--this Monday. Although, I didn't get to spend as much time as I would have liked to with most of you, I will still be in contact with you guys and you should all know that you have a special place in my heart.

I wasn't home too much this summer either, and although my brother probably appreciates that much more than he dislikes it, he can kiss my butt. 'Cause I will miss my parents and brother very much...although I don't tell them I love them as often as I should, I hope that they know I do. I appreciate everything they do for me and even if they don't believe it, they've done an excellent job raising me...thank you.

I'll be home at Christmas and Thanksgiving and all those other happy holidays. I haven't forgotten anything boys and girls: I know that I still owe Jay Irving some cookies; I owe Jessie some money...I think. Bill Elliott, Jessie McCahill and I will be producing a Japanese adventure video, sometime within the next year, entitled High Five...so be on the look out for that. Claire--Mike, Shawn, you and I have to get on those damn Seadoos again and go for a boot. I haven't forgotten you guys; I never will. And by the way...I owe my parents my life.

Thanks Sarnia. Thank you for 19 great years of my life.

**ANNOUNCEMENT**

My birthday is NEXT Wednesday; I will FINALLY...once and for all...be legally able to get into bars--even though I live at the bars anyway, Elliott.

I want all of you to be there--you know who you are. It's going to be Wednesday August 28th at the River Rock. For some of us, this will be the last time we see each other before going away to school, so I'd really love to see all of you there! **WEDNESDAY AUGUST 28th** River Rock Tap and Grill ** Be There